i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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