Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
