I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize