How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
