He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
