My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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