I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
