I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
