watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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