We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
