Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
