Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
