yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I CAN MOONWALK!
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize