Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
