She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
