maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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