Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Sext me about skeletons
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
