Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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