I think I died a long time ago.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
