Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
