o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just forgot I was standing up.
Randomize
