Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
