Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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