Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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