yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
