Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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