she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
