the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize