just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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