I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
