can u get pink eye on your cock?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
