is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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