New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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