i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize