in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
