So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
