I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
