you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
