I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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