ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
