Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize