he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
