Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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