Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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