go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
this just has baby written all over it
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
MIDGETS
????
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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