I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
