watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize