M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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