I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
