I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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