lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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