i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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