you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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