i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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