Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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