Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You were trust falling into bushes
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
