I'm going to jail i love you
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
