she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
