You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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