and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
