YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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