Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I touched a dick in church today
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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