3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
