well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
