Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
