watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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