My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
