That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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