I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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