Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
