I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Randomize
