Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
