I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
