ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
